11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
