So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
