you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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