Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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