I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
