just survived the first fart of the relationship.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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