if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
