I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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