arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
