I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You pole danced in your parka.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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