Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
