I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
