His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
