my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
