Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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