I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
