Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
