he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
