Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
