Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
