Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
