My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
