How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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