i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
