I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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