You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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