but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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