If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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