Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
