I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We're too hungover to prance.
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