My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
