It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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