as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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