She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
