heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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