nut hugger
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
