Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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