You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
