Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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