official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
