oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
