I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
