Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
