I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
