I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
