Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Houston, we have a blender
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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