No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
