so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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