you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
