Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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