apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
