My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sponge bath it is.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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