i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
