i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
