end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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